The Harsh Critic & Their Motives
Do unto others as you would have done unto you. That’s the golden rule, or so many of our parents have told us. Perhaps not enough parents though, or perhaps the golden rule has become outdated. Whatever the reason, that little common sense phrase is no longer a shield one can use against harsh critics who arm themselves with arrows of spite. The fact of the matter is we live in a world that caters to selfishness, breeds contempt, and is painfully lacking in empathy and consideration. Criticism is a part of life and people who worship at the shrine to Simon Cowell are sure to appear from time to time to bludgeon you with outright rude and unfeeling responses to your hard work. Don’t discourage, though. Not one talented soul has lived without the taunts and jeers of critics. And though I could write pages on the ways in which to build a constructive critique, that’s not going to help you, the one who is going to receive those ugly little not-so constructive comments anyway. So take a seat, at the front of the class preferably as we all know the back row is for sleeping and note passing, and open your books to chapter one of Handling Harsh Criticism.
Chapter One: Bringing it on Yourself.
That’s right, even though the jerk who reviewed your hard work with colorful, demeaning metaphors as to what animal’s excrement your project was likened to was way out of line, you may have brought it on yourself. Did you happen to mention how this is the best production ever done ever and how nothing can ever compare? Could the written words you submitted as an announcement or introduction make you come across as pompous or arrogant? I know a few of you are reading this and shaking your heads at the thought, but a few of you have seen it too and marveled first hand at the naivety of some. Less severe cases of bringing it on yourself may be as innocent as accidentally posting your completed production to the wrong place. It happens, but still people may be inclined to fly off the handle and tell you a thing or two. Best thing to do in that scenario? Apologize and fix it. You were in the wrong, they took it upon themselves to police the situation in a less than agreeable manor, but you are still the catalyst and must take responsibility for your actions. Worst thing you can do is reply with “Hey, it was mistake, you don’t have to be so…” because now you’ve taken a spark and turned it into a fire fight. (Which is, as most of us know, what a lot of them are looking for in the first place).
Before you start gritting your teeth and boiling at the harsh words written in reply, sit back and read over what you yourself have written. Is there an underlying attitude in your word choice that some may choose to infer? Could you maybe have toned it down a little? Remember, it’s okay to be proud of your hard work. By all means take confidence in your accomplishments. But don’t gloat, don’t boast, and remember that in time even you will look back and see how much farther you’ve come since that oh so wonderful project. Let others be the voice of praise and you’ll receive a lot more.
Chapter Two: Passive Aggression. This Time, it’s Not Personal.
Anyone who has ever worked in retail can tell you sometimes you can’t do anything right when you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not that you’re bagging the groceries too slowly, that you have somehow personally seen to it that everything the customer likes isn’t in her size, or that you belong to that secret organization that’s really in charge of the gas prices. The truth is, something about their day has gone terribly awry and you just happen to be the unlucky individual chosen at random for them to vent these frustrations on with misguided rage. Congratulations. They won’t even know they’re doing it as you stand there in shock in light of this unjustified rampage taking place and there is little comfort to be had in knowing it’s not really you they’re mad at. There’s just as little satisfaction in being the receiver of a harsh review that seems to defy all laws of decency. There are a million ways they could have voiced their opinion better but no, they’re going full force and walking the line between critiquing and flaming. And what can you do about it? Tell them they should be nicer? If you feel like turning a review into a battle, go ahead. All your doing is letting them continue to work off all those unresolved frustrations in their lives. Who knows, maybe some of those frustrations stem from the fact that they wish they were able to be as successful in some aspects of their life as you are with your productions and so they absolutely have to find every flaw in your work they can to justify their own failures. Is telling that person to word their critique more nicely really going to have much of an affect? Probably not, because it all boils down to the fact that it’s not about you. If this review is given on a message board or forum, the last thing you should do is reply to it there. If you really feel that offended by their criticism, keep it between you and that reviewer, find a way to get a message to them some other, private way. People are bolder when they think they have an audience to impress and are much more humble when you take away that third party. Otherwise, I suggest just ignoring it and focusing instead on the critiques of individuals who are able to see the good side as well as the side in need of improvement.
Chapter Three: Schadenfreude
That’s right, it’s not just a catchy song from the Broadway musical Avenue Q. In society today, people root for the underdog and boo the best. Why? Because we love to see how far the mighty fall. Don’t think for a second that if you adhere to all that constructive criticism and work hard every day that you will one day reach a point in your life when your work is accepted by all and appreciated by more than just the people you had working with you. No, in fact, the moment you become a success is when the real struggle begins. Now you’re somebody and a lot of people who aren’t are just waiting with fingers crossed to see you fail. It’s not a pretty picture but examples are everywhere in our lives be it of movie producers, actors or political figures. These critics are like vultures, circling in wait for the next production so they can tear it apart for those little things to try and bring you down a peg. I recommend treating these types the same you would a passive aggressive critic, in private if at all. Replying in a forum setting and calling attention to it brings in your whole gaggle of fans to protect you and in most cases, you don’t want them speaking for you. Honestly, just ignore it. You’re a bigger person for it.
Chapter Four: To Each Their Own
Just as your own word choice may have lead to harsh criticism, so too can a review go from well meaning to awful. It’s all about implied tone. When the reviewer began writing, it may have all sounded very straight forward and clinical to them, but those same words can become cold and bitter when you read them. Step back and try to reread the critique in a nicer way, put inflection in places you normally wouldn’t, see if you can find the real meaning behind the words. Remember, too, that some people just aren’t very tactful and well meaning as they are, are just not able to put forth an opinion without coming across as judgmental or cruel. This is another reason why I recommend only dealing with harsh critiques privately. It may be that there was a misunderstanding and it’s better for you and them to not discuss how you felt they were being a jerk where anyone else can read it. It’s not anyone else’s business and you run the risk of embarrassing the reviewer in front of an audience when they only meant to be helpful.
Now close your books and eyes up here.
No one likes to be told their hard work was disliked. Not many people set out with the intention of producing something so terrible people will talk forever about how bad it was and send in scathing reviews about how their life and time was wasted. It’s hard not to take it personally sometimes, but sometimes it really isn’t personal. No one sits back and writes a harsh review because they think you will benefit in someway from their brutal honesty. To orchestrate a review of that kind is to believe yourself superior in some way. It’s a form of self-gratification and you shouldn’t give in to it. You are rubber and they are glue. Whatever they say bounces off you and sticks to them, remember? Or how about sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never heart me? No, let’s just stick with that golden rule and remember if what they’re doing unto you is picking a fight, what they want is for you to pitch one back.
Happy mixing,
~Niko