See with Your Heart
part oneWith tired aspen eyes the young woman behind the desk littered with books and papers glanced over the twin pink slips with identical descriptions. One Takiashi Takeru and Motomiya Daisuke had been found fighting in the gym locker room, reason; unknown and injuries; minimal. Both boys sat in front of her, chairs spaced far apart at their own digression and bodies spotted with blue-violet markings of bruised flesh.
She sighed and brushed back at her unruly blonde bang that fell over her right eye and frowned at her returning guests, "This is the third time in the past two weeks, gentlemen," she informed them though how they could have forgotten was beyond her reckoning, "You've already been suspended before due to your behavior. Have you learned nothing?"
Takeru opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by the offended huff from the other boy to his left, "I'll tell you what I learned. Takeru is a bully. He'll fight at the drop of a hat!"
"Oh and I suppose you're guiltless!" the blonde shouted in defense.
"At least I don't make a habit of snapping towels at people!"
"You started it!"
"You hit me in the face!"
"It's not my fault it's indistinguishable from your back side!"
"Gentlemen!"
Takeru and Daisuke sat back in their chairs and looked at the angered woman who was now standing and casting them under a dark shadow of disapproval.
"I see this dispute between the two of you reaches far past any reasonable grounds. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it reaches to an almost psychiatric level. Why do you hate each other so much?"
"I don't hate him," Takeru admitted, "It's just that I can't stand to be around him."
Daisuke let out another exasperated sigh, "The feelings mutual, TS."
"And exactly why is that? Hm? What reason has the other given for you to feel so hatefully towards each other?" she tossed the pink slips in the trash and walked around her desk, "Being your third offense, I should have you expelled for the rest of the week but I have something better in mind. Something more constructive." She opened the door to her office and turned to the two boys, "Follow me."
Without a word in response they quickly fell in line behind her, keeping a fair distance between themselves at all times. The woman stopped in front of a black door and took out an assortment of keys. After trying out a few different pairs of the same shape, she finally managed to open the door and flip the lights on. In the room sat two desks, a vending machine for cokes and candy, a door in the far corner and a stack of paper beside it, resting on a black fling cabinet.
She gestured to the two desks, which were screwed into the floor, facing each other. Though fully understanding, the fair and burgundy haired boys were hesitant to move towards them.
"You will sit in these chairs for the next three hours. You will be locked in this room alone with only yourselves as company. I've supplied paper, snacks, and behind the far door is a restroom if needed." She once again gestured to the two desks and watched as they sat in them, looking away from each other instinctively. "If you do not fight in these next three hours I will forget all about expelling you. As an extra criteria though, I want you to list all the words that come into your head when you think of the person in front of you and why. Getting to the bottom of your emotions is the best way to solve this dispute."
"That's stupid!" Daisuke shouted, "I know why I hate him! And it's really none of your business!"
The woman narrowed her aspen gaze on him, her hands planted firmly on her hips, "When it effects students on school grounds, it is very much my business." She walked to the door, making sure her intent to lock it was known, "You've got three hours in here to think. I suggest you do just that."
With that, she closed the door and the clack of the lock sounded in the deathly silence. The clatter of her clicking heals was heard as she retreated down the empty school halls and all that was left were the claret and azure stair that glared hatefully across the desks.
***
Why I hate Motomiya Daisuke. That's an easy subject. I can't stand him. He's so mixed up in rivalry, competition and doing what's best for him. He's so selfish! It's always what he wants and not what is best for the team. It's always what he fears and not what he knows has to be done. And that stupid attitude of his! God, the guy is either uncontrollable or just way too susceptible! And this Hikari thing is out of hand. It's not like she doesn't do her own part to make it hell between us. I know she purposely does things to make him jealous. It's rather snobbish of her but Daisuke doesn't have to take it all so seriously! He hardly knows her and he views the relationship I have with her as an interference. Like I said, he has only himself to think about. That's why I hate him. He's just so damn irritable. It's so easy to dislike him. Sure, he tries hard to be nice sometimes and other times I really do think that he's trying to be a team player. He is a soccer player. A pretty good one at that. On the field, he's like a different person. He passes and assists with his only goal to lead the team to victory. Sure he's got his own self-glorification plotted within it but he still acts as one with the others.
It's different as the digidestioned though. Always competition rather than teamwork. Sometimes, I think Taichi's goggles went to his head.. in another sense entirely. But I don't dislike Taichi for the same traits that he and Daisuke share. I like Taichi a lot. He's a great friend. I can overlook a lot of his faults, like leaping before looking and blabbing without much though put behind it. It just bugs the hell out of me when Daisuke does it. Guess I've become rather hypocritical. I remember my feelings towards Onichan when he and Taichi would fight. I hated to watch them fight. And here I go waging the same battle.
Daisuke's not like Taichi in lots of aspects though. For instance, he's got a lot of self-doubt. And odd mix, huh? He's a compulsive acting inadequate worrier. He acts rash when the emotions run high but with a level head, he's always second-guessing himself. I guess that's another thing that really gets me. You never know when or how he's gonna act. Like for instance, he's standing up right now, hands folded behind his head and chest puffed out like some strange bird.
"This is insane. I've got better things to be doing than sitting around thinking about why you and I don't get alone."
And I don't, I feel like asking. It's not that he's being mean or anything. He's not even being derogatory. It's the cocky tone of voice and the way he throws his head back like that. It's more in his performance than the dialogue.
"Would you rather be expelled?"
He looks back at me, his oval eyes of deep burgundy narrowed though his mouth is formed in a bemused expression, "Being expelled is like being sent of vacation. They make you skip school. What's so bad about that?"
I can't believe the thought of expulsion actually sounds good to him. Doesn't he know it goes on your permanent record? I point this out to him and he laughs.
"Like it'll hurt anything. I've got enough on there as it is."
I guess after a while, one learns when its time to just shut up and sit back. So I did. I for one don't wanna get suspended so I'll just pretend he's not some egotistical jerk and mind my own business. That's kinda hard though when he's making so much damn noise.
"Daisuke, it that at all necessary," I asked. He looked up from his position, crouched on the floor at the base of the vending machine with his arm reaching up into it, disappearing at the elbow into the dispensing slot. The guilty look that crossed his face disrupted any thoughts of mine that he was doing it just to annoy me.
"Sorry. Just wanted a snack. You want one?"
At this I almost chocked on my breath. He was offering to steel some food for me? Had he forgotten exactly why we were here in the first place? We're supposed to be mad at each other... aren't we? We fought!... And he's offering me candy?
"I.. yeah sure. We're gonna be here long enough."
He smiles, a look that was made for that face of his even with the back eye. The again, he looks cute no matter what....What!? What am I thinking! He's a boy! Yuck! And I'm suppose to be discussing why I don't like him, not blushing like a grade school girl in pink frills! This is so irritating! What's wrong with me? I can tell this is going to be one hell of a long three hours... What would 'nichan do?
"Pick something you'd like from the bottom two rows. It's as far as I can reach."
He'd probably just set this kind of stuff to a nice dark secluded corner in the back of his mind. Yeah, he's not exactly known for his mental health and this is one subject I'd probably be better off fallowing on my own instincts but I'll save that for after the three hours. So, I forget it and point to the snickers bar on the bottom left of the machine, watching as he goes to work, squeezing his fingers through the security rotational devices. It's silent for a while longer and I guess it's not something he's used to cause he starts talking again. Growing up alone with my mom kinda adapted me to the silence I guess. Daisuke defiantly lacks the skills to cope with it. Wonder if he's ever learned the wonders of inner monologue?
"So anyway, like I was saying, Junio-sensei was flaming mad and the first thing I thought of was that I'd be great to have V-mon show him a thing or two! I mean, can you believe it? He got mad at me cause my goggles cast a glair in his eyes!"
I laughed, or rather, chuckled in a polite response and he turned and smiled at me, handing me the candy bar and taking his seat across from me. Why is it so hard to be made at him now? If I hadn't written down my thoughts I think I would have forgotten completely. The again, his black eye and my aching jaw are pretty good reminders as well.
"I.. uh.. didn't mean to hit you so hard..."
I look up, having found myself staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. He hadn't written a single thing about me. Not one. What has he been thinking off all this time?
"It's okay," I assure him, "Just a little sore but it's nothing compared to the shiner you're sporting."
Okay, so maybe I was gloating. I hit him hard too. I may be sorry I hurt him now but at the time.. well... let me put it this way. I can still see the victory dance my mind was doing when the bruise came up all nice and blue-black.
"Yeah. You'd think that lady would have the descents to at least give us some ice bags!"
I nod in agreement and find my fingers outlining his swollen eye. He doesn't move.
"I really am sorry."
"I know... it's alright. It's not my first black eye."
I pull back, feeling fire dancing on my fingertips. What am I doing? Why? Why can't I keep that stupid blushing fool inside me hidden? I'm not supposed to act this way with boys! I'm supposed to feel all flustered and dizzy and stuff around girl! Like Hikari! I like Hikari, NOT Daisuke! I don't like boys like that. I'm not like that! I hate him! I hate him! I....
Why I hate Motomiya Daisuke.
I......
Don't...... And that's more frightening and angering than anything else.
***
Damnit it! So close! Takeru was just starting to open up! He even touched me! Okay, so he was poking at my black eye.... But he was still touching me! That means something.. right? If he really did hate me he wouldn't care like that that I was hurt! He has to like me!... he has to... cause I can't stand living this alone.
Why I hate Takiashi Takeru. I don't hate him at all! All I've ever wanted was to be his friend. To be like him and accepted by him! Everyone likes Takeru and Takeru likes everyone! Everyone but me it seems.
All my life it's been the same. I try so hard to be friends with someone. Maybe too hard. I idolize quickly and crush hard and not being partial to either sex kind of makes that scary for a lot of people. I don't tell many people that. The last time someone found out we had to move. Kid's parents were calling in and telling Mom and Dad to keep me away from their children. And I got picked on. I wasn't lying about my eye. It really isn't the first time I've gotten one. Lots of kids on the playground had a blast playing 'snag the fag'.
It all happened 'cause of the stupid school councilor back at Takada. I got called to her office one day cause I kissed Tama-kun on the cheek. I was in third grade. She said kissing other boys wasn't appropriate behavior and of course I've never been one to keep my mouth shut and told her plainly that I thought he was cute. That's when the bitch got the idea to have a sex-education talk with classes to explain 'right' and 'wrong'. She had people act out the different characters. Guess who got casted as the homo. She may as well have made me wear a sign. Everyone in class put two and two together and figured it out and soon everyone in the school knew.
I was never so lonely in my life. My friends deserted me. They were afraid being bi would rub off on them or something. They didn't want to be different. They saw what people did to me. They didn't understand. No one did. After coming home from school everyday for the next three weeks crying, my parents decided to move. So we did, right back to my old home where I met Hikari. I may like boys a lot but that doesn't mean a cute girl doesn't catch my eye every once and a while. And when this cute girl just happens to have a great guy like Takeru as her friend.. well.. I can't help but try to get in on everything.
Takeru could care less though! Just my luck he's probably as strait as my Aunt Kimuai's starched sheets.
I know I come on strong. I can't help it! After Takada, any positive attention was like gold! I couldn't have enough of it! I wanted more! No more crying, no more name-calling, people don't know and they're nice to me! Yeah they tease and I'm the butt of the joke a lot more than I'd like to admit but when they laugh and treat me human... well hell! They have my permission to set my pants on fire if they promise to always accept me like they do now!
"So, is Yamato playing a gig anytime soon? Jun has been threatening me all week to ask you, even if she does see Yamato in the halls. Guess she doesn't wants to seem desperate or something."
He looks back at me, an inquisitive look on his brow. I love that clueless look! Kawaii!
"I think so. He's suppose to be playing for the dance Friday. That's what he said last time we talked anyway."
The dance! Whoa hoo! School dances are the next best things to crowded car pools! I say this only because when carpooling with way too many people, there is always the chance you might be sitting on someone's lap.. or vise versa! I just hope I don't fall victim to the food table. It's the inevitable destination for dateless geeks like I tend to be at these sorta social events. I'm an outgoing guy for the most part but I tend to forget where I am and... I'd rather not repeat Takada. Not after three years of peace! So I can play 'dateless geek' as long as it takes. From experience I know the food table has a lot to offer anyway! Cake, chips and all the punch you can drink! Yes!
"You going to take Hikari to the dance?"
Why I ask such stupid questions I know are going to make me depressed is beyond me. I must be masochistic to some degree.
"I don't know. As friends maybe but I think it would be weird to take her in the sense of a 'date' date."
"I gotcha."
Nope. I lie. Not at all. What do you mean you don't want to take her out like a 'date' date? You like her! She's always hanging on you! I hardly see you two apart! "Well we could go as a group, ya know. I've got no plans."
He bites his bottom lip. Just say it! No, Daisuke, I don't think so. Hikari's mine. Just say it and get it over with!
"I guess there'll be enough room in 'nichan's car. He's taking Taichi there too. He said he'd help chaperone."
"Taichi's gonna be a chaperone? Cool! So I can go with you guys?"
He nodded and I think that's my heart flittering about the room. I can go with Takeru!... and Hikari but that's not so bad either! As long as she doesn't hang all over him and act all squishy towards him. I really hate that! She's predominantly nice but she's always trying to make me jealous. Whoa, big word! Reached my quota of the month!
"Anyone else going to go that I don't know about?"
Takeru shook his head, "No. Taichi's the only one chaperoning and since this is a junior high event, none of the others can come any other way."
I nod and pick at my candy. Wouldn't you know my favorite kind is on the top level in that stupid machine? Still, chocolate covered raisins aren't that bad. The more I eat them though the more I want Takeru's snickers bar..
"So... you got a watch on?"
He holds up two bare wrists and I sigh, "Well there's no clock in here. Guess we'll just have to predict how much longer we've got to be kept up in here."
He's silent still, looking at his desk.
Sometimes I wish I was a girl. I always seem to fall for the strait guys! I mean come on! Locked in a room after school with no one around and no interruptions for the next few hours. What more of a set up does he need!? Yeah I'm just some boy he doesn't really get along with but that's his problem! I've been trying to be nice but he always picks those sensitive subjects or waves how much more experience he has than me in my face! Okay... now I'm starting to get mad at him again. Is this how it all starts? I guess we fight cause of my frustration... but I'm not the only one fighting. Why does he do it? It's all his fault I get so worked up!
Why I hate Takiashi Takeru.
I don't hate him.
I'm afraid of him.
I'm afraid of his rejection...