See with Your Heart
part fourThe doctors, police, parents and friends kept asking what happened. If anything, it's the last thing I want to remember. Having to watch them cut into the passenger seat of my car to retrieve my unconscious brother and his friend.
Oh God, Takeru....
The first car had hit us from behind at the stoplight. The bastard wasn't paying attention and didn't break, throwing us into the middle of the intersection. The other car hit on my side, passenger. I don't remember much else except for being upside down crying out for my brother. Even in the digiworld, I've never been as afraid as I was then.
I 'm relatively unharmed, a broken arm, two bruised ribs, busted kneecap, split chin, broken tooth, and seatbelt burn. Old cars don't have airbags. One might have spared my face. I'm not worried about that right now though.
I just want my brother.
The doctor says he's going to be all right. He regained consciousness seven hours after the accident, about the time everyone found out and came to the hospital. Taichi came in, tears on his own face and ran to my bedside. My head was still buzzing, screams and screeching tires echoing like nails on a chalkboard. He was saying things but I wasn't listening.
I was just glad he hadn't been in the car with me. I can't praise every holy being enough as it is that Takeru had moved to the back seat.
Cause the car didn't just stop spinning, it had spun into a light post. The seat next to me was completely broken and metal from the passenger door was biting into my arm from my side of the car. He'd have died.
My little brother sleeping in ICU would be down the in the morgue with a tag on his toe.
I turn my head and vomit onto the floor. I can't help it. Thinking about loosing him makes my insides attempt an emergency evacuation. Luckily, only my food makes the trip.
A feel soft hands and a cool towel touch and caress my skin, dabbing and soothing with words of comfort. I want it to be my mother but it's probably a nurse. Mom never has much time for me. I don't really have much time for her either but I see her and Takeru and know that if things had been different, maybe I'd have her safe arms around me as well, kissing the worries and pain away like only a boys mother can. I decided too early that I was too big for hugs and kisses from her. I only want those years back, those angry years I could have spent warm and happy with my father, mother and brother.
"Yamato... it's alright, baby. You'll be alright."
I open my eyes just barely. I didn't realize they'd been closed. No wonder the sounds and furry of the crash seemed so close. But so was she, the woman with the soft blue eyes that sparkled with tears. So close I could touch her if I tried but she's on my side with the broken arm. I know those eyes, like a memory. Blue eyes trying to smile past tears as a slender hand waved goodbye, the other hand grasping a toddlers chubby digits. A memory of Mom.
I roll over till my back is again snuggled by the sheets and matrices. Now she's even closer, the pink towel in hand whipping my excess vomit from my chin.
"It's been so many years since I've had to do that." She said, more to herself than to me, I suppose, since she looks at me more like a porcelain doll than her son. She's so beautiful. M cloudy vision makes the dim lights scatter over her shoulders like the faded wings of an angel on an old church ceiling.
"You know, when you were a baby, you were the messiest thing I'd ever known. I used to say to your father that we needed to start dressing you in garbage bags since all your nice clothes ended up in one anyway." She giggled lightly at a memory far beyond my reach, picking a new towel that was cool with water and dabbing my forehead, "And I remember how after we ate one night, you came up to me with a face covered in food and said, 'Wash! Wash!'. And I got a nice white towel with some warm water on it and I cleaned you off and you give me a hug and a kiss when I was done. And the next day we did the same thing, and the next, and the next. Always with a hug and a kiss afterwards. I never got mad anymore when you'd get all messy. I liked our little ritual. Because it was ours. My son's and mine."
I started to cry. I saw her get this mortified look on her face and start to reach for the nurses button my I managed to move my other arm touch her hand that still cooled my face. "It doesn't hurt so bad, Mom." I said, smiling for her.
"You're crying."
I blinked my eyes and tried to stop but the remnants still clung to my face. "I'm okay, Mom. I don't hurt much. I just don't remember all those nice memories you have of us." I watched tears fall from her own eyes.
"You were very young." She said, pressing my hand into hers and giving it three soft squeezes. I. Love. You. It was our code, one of the only things I remember besides her leaving. Three squeezes for I love you, four for I love you too.
I sent her my reply, four lasting squeezes and a smile. "I'm not all grown up just yet, Mom."
She started to cry more, little shakes in her body making the wing of light seem to flap. She kissed my face, wary of the cuts but the salt from her tears disturbing them anyways, a sweet sting that reminded me that I was still alive, that I had a chance to retrieve what I lost. My Mother.
"I'm sorry, Mom." I wrapped my unbroken arm around her neck, "I'm sorry about everything."
She shook her head and whispered into my ear, "There's nothing to apologize for. Everything will work out as it should."
I snuggled deeper into her warmth, feeling safe, something lost in these hours of terror. I'm glad she's here with me. I need strength; I need an angel to wash away my worries.
But I still feel Takeru in the back of my mind. I want to know how he is.
I don't want to disturb this moment.
What ways more heavily? My curiosity and concern or my content and happiness in my mother's arms?
I fall dreamlessly back to sleep.